Artificial Intelligence Joke

16. January, 2015

Slightly adjusted version of a Dilbert strip:

Boss: I want you to create an artificial intelligence that is as smart as me.

Engineer: OK.

Ten minutes pass.

Engineer: Done.

Boss: Wow, you’re fast.

Engineer: … Yes.

Fun: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

8. July, 2010

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”

Watson replies: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars.”

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson: “Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies each with hundreds of billions of stars, which means trillions of planets. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life — and possibly intelligent life — may well fill the universe.

Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.

Holmes is bemused: “As usual, my Dear Watson, you are missing the obvious: Out tent was stolen.”

Sherlock Holmes und Dr. Watson gehen campen. Mitten in der Nacht, das Feuer ist schon herunter gebrannt, weckt Holmes seinen Begleiter und fragt: “Watson, blicken Sie nach oben und sagen Sie mir was sie sehen.”

Watson antwortet: “Ich sehe ein überwältigendes Panorama aus unglaublich vielen Sternen.”

Holmes: “Und was sagt Ihnen das?”

Watson: “Astronomisch gesehen deutet es darauf hin, dass es Milliarden andere Galaxien wie die unsere gibt, jede mit Hunderten von Milliarden Sternen, was bedeutet, dass es dort draussen Trillionen Planeten gibt. Wenn wir annehmen, dass die Verteilung von Chemikalien im gesamten Universum ungefähr gleich ist, dann spricht alles für einen Ort, an dem es Leben — möglicherweise intelligentes Leben — im Überfluss geben muss.

Theologisch gesehen erzählt es mir als gläubigen Menschen von der unermesslichen Weite des Alls, was ein weiterer Hinweis auf die Grösse von Gott ist und dass wir klein und unbedeutend sind.

Meteorologisch gesehen sagt mir die Schwärze der Nacht und die Klarheit der Sterne, dass wir eine niedrige Luftfeuchtigkeit und wenig Wind haben, woraus ich folgere, dass der morgige Tag wunderschön werden wird.”

Holmes ist amüsiert: “Wie üblich, mein lieber Watson, übersehen Sie das offensichtliche: Unser Zelt wurde gestohlen.”

At the restaurant

22. December, 2009

After having been served a soup, the patron calls the waiter: “Please try the soup.”
The waiter is alarmed: “I will return it to the kitchen immediately!”
“No, no!” The patron shakes his head. “Please try the soup.”
W: “Is it too hot?”
P: “No. Please try it.”
W: “Too salty?”
P: “No. Please try it.”
W: “Is the taste not to your liking?”
Patron is getting irritated: “No. Just try it, will you?”
The waiter is confused and bends down, pauses. “Where is the spoon?”
Patron: “Ah!”

Two Jokes

6. August, 2009

Announcement from [your-favorite-dictatorship-of-the-week]:

After years of scientific progress, we finally managed to turn a wagon load full of human waste into butter. A great day for our country and the whole world. Next, our scientists plan to work on the color and the taste.

A man suspects his mother-in-law trying to poison him. To confront her, he feeds the lunch to his dog. The dog drops dead instantly. The man, mad with rage, stabs the mother-in-law to death. As he stands over the corpse, breathing heavily, the dog jumps up and barks: “YES!