Guinea Pig

Disclaimer: This is a cynical virtual diary of my journey through Fallout 3. If you don’t like strong language or cynicism, this is not for you.


Moira actually talked me into becoming her guinea pig. Isn’t that what women are for? The things I do to get get laid …

The first task was simple enough. Go to this old supermarket and kill everyone inside. You didn’t believe when she said “abandoned”, did you? I only regret that I didn’t notice the old protectron in the back earlier. Could have done some slice’n’dice for me. Instead I had to waste another bullet to be able to loot it myself.

On the way to the market, I ran over an old school. Yeah, over – not into. Think “bulldozer” instead of “tourist”. Why do these guys have to leave such a mess? I almost tripped in the pools of blood on the ground floor! One day, I’ll find a way to pick up a bucket and a mop. Then, they’ll have to clean the level before I kill them!

Found some new friends, too. Great guys from a “Talon Company”. They seem to be into field delivery of supplies. You know. Guns and armor. And bullets. Plus a little workout to make it worth my time. I like it. Right on, commander!

After returning, I had to stand in the cold, radiated water next to the bomb until I feel sick. I felt sick after a few seconds … can’t this old fool stop mumbling for even five seconds? I’ve been watching him. He’s standing there, slobbering at the thing as if it was the greatest invention since the big bang. The original one. You know? 14 billions years ago? That one. Right. Where was I? Oh, yeah, he’s standing there, mumbling, day in and day out, 24/7. I get fried by the radiation after only a few minutes but this guy … ignorance is blizz. It just seems that the radiation in the water ignores me ignoring it.

After surviving that mostly intact … I hope … thinking about it, I wonder what that trip did to my most precious parts … damn! Maybe Moira is a better actress than I thought. Anyway. I have to visit a playground in a minefield. Knowing that things ain’t gonna be so easy, I start my exploration of the city Minefield from the back side. And what would you know, there is this old cracker running around, firing bullets at me. Why is everyone so hostile around here? A headshot emphasizes my peaceful intentions. After that, I can loot to my heart’s contents. There is so much stuff, I can hardly walk back home.

If I was asked, I would be hard pressed to say whether I prefer to kill or to loot. Maybe I’d be happy with looting alone. It’s only that people are so egoistic. They only always think of themselves instead of me!

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